By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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