her vagine was all disorganized.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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