At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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