We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
