I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
