we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
