I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
