Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
