You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
