his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
