Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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