Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize