The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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