So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
