I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
