I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
