It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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