also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
