so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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