Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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