you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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