So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
