there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
