I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
