wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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