Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
