It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
