You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
