I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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