just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
