I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
