I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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