I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i will never coherently bang her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
did i just pee glitter
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
