its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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