If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
