im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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