he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
