Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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