Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
