i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
