Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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