butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
