I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
