I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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