All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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