If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
