I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
