Dual....:-)
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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