Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
