I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
