I wish my penis had an off switch
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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