This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
