Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
