Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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