after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How external is "for external use only"?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
