her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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