Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
