when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
