booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
