filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
