go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
