70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
birth control should be required to get into college
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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