This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Randomize
