Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
