im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
