mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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