No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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