wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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