Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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