Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
