People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
