yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
