I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
