FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
