I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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