dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
