Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
