I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
