i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
