just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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