i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We have started to decorate penises.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
