Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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