goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
