ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
