turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize