I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
